What is a friend, anyway?

~ "Friend" ~

A word used ALL the time.

Kindergardeners come home and speak of their "bestest" friend, kids have their friend over for "playdates", and high schoolers determine one's "popularity" by how many friends they have.
Hell, right on Facebook we "friend" hundreds of people.

For the past several years, despite all the "friends" I know, I have been very alone.
I have been wondering a lot:

                                                       "What IS a friend, anyway?"

Perhaps for different people at different times in their lives it means different things. I realize that I did not truly know what "friend" meant for me.

I am just now realizing that I have people in my life who truly care about me unconditionally. They are not related to me. They do not owe me anything and I do not owe them. They are THERE for me.

These people are the SAME people that I would do ANYTHING for, just because I care about them.

Some of these people I just recently met, others have known most my life.
These people are my "friends". And for them I am grateful.

Why did I not realize that they were there?

Why couldn't I trust that there are true "friends" out there?

                  (My revealing responses are best left offline, away from the
                    "conditional sort")

But I say this here:

I am going to make every effort to accept the fact that I have TRUE friends ~
I am going to let them know that they are my friends ~
I am going to invest my energy in MY true friends, and relinquish my preoccupation with those of the "conditional sort" ~

I know NOW that I am NOT alone.

(I know, I know, "It's about time")

So,

I want to thank MY FRIENDS!

that's all ~

I CAN'T WAIT FOR MONDAY!

How twisted is that? I mean, what has my life become that I cannot wait for a weekend to be over and yearn for that once dreaded start of the week? Well, my life has become that of a suburban mom of three children all of whom have jammed-packed schedules to which I drive, cheerlead, and support.

                                            But MONDAY!  Ahhhhh, MONDAY!

Three different yellow buses from Heaven swoop down at scattered times to the bottom of my driveway to snatch up each one of my children and transport them safely to their respective holding pens (aka: school) for several glorious hours. And I am ALL ALONE!

I used to be afraid to be alone: worried about the day that my children would all enter public school leaving me behind to clean the breakfast dishes, switch the laundry, make beds and if lucky, work on my dissertation.

I used to ACTUALLY consider strongly having another baby to fill the anticipated void that I would experience when my "little bug" (otherwise known as "hurricane Caroline") stepped off to extended day Kindergarden (NO, Cold Spring Harbor DOES NOT have full day Kindergarden - grrrr).

I used to fear having idle time; of being bored and feeling unfulfilled.

                              NOT ANYMORE, DEAR FRIENDS. NOT ANYMORE. 
                                                             What took me so long??

                                               I am 40 and MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:

My three children are GONE ON MONDAY (and Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday too)

They are not locked in cages, harmed, tortured or enslaved. They are ACTUALLY learning, having fun, socializing, doing all the art projects and music lessons that I cannot help with. They are matriculating through life with the knowledge and experience that they could never get staying home with me!

                                                             It is a WIN-WIN situation!!

And THAT is my epiphany for this week.

                                                         I CAN'T WAIT FOR MONDAY!!!
                                                                                AND
                                                        I FEEL NO GUILT IN SAYING SO!

So, my celebration gears up late Sunday night ... about now ... which is why I wanted to share it with you. They are all tucked in bed. I kissed them, whispered in each of their ears how much I love them, and I know that I truly do. They are my world!

But, now I am downstairs, ALONE, eagerly awaiting the arrival of those buses, one by one, to take my precious children away to their amazing schools while I, Cara (used to be guilt-ridden) McGill waves "good-bye", and does a "little happy dance" that I am ALONE!

                                          I CAN'T WAIT FOR MONDAY!!

Anyone else agree?

Have a great, guilt-free, happy week.

"Life's a bitch and then you die"

I was 11 years old when I said, "Life's a bitch and then you die". I do not remember where I had heard the phrase, but I remember really liking it. So, I said it every chance I could - most likely for "shock value". I mean, what 11-year-old kid embraces such a mantra? Not long after my adoption of the phrase did it those words drive my worldview.

I was a "dark" child. I was a "dark" teenager. I was "dark" in my twenties and especially in my 30s. My comfortable acceptance of this adage rendered my immediate family and my high school boyfriend/husband to define me a "pessimist", a "fatalist". (martyr, buzz-kill, depressive, morose, and other adjectives often inserted).

One of the purposes of my blog is to share the notable revelations, changes, self-improvements I am experiencing since I turned 40. In this case though,

                                                                Today's epiphany:                
                                                    "Life's a bitch and then you die"


I was an 11-year-old genius!!!  I LOVE this phrase. And I am going to keep this oldie but goodie!


                                                                             Why?

                                                                   Because it is TRUE!!!


At 40, this is a very exciting revelation, and I believe a realistic and therefore an intelligent and productive acknowledgment. I challenge any contention to my assertion that knowing this and embracing this is actually POSITIVE, MATURE, AND LIBERATING!


Now, I do not get upset when things in life are difficult or do not go my way ~ if "life's a bitch", then I can prepare for it and be less disappointed when it happens!

Now, when good things happen, I can be grateful and appreciative ~ if "life's a bitch", the I am granted a gift every time!

Now, when I wake up in the morning, I try to live each day to the fullest ~ if "life's a bitch and then you die", I AM GOING TO LIVE EACH AND EVERY DAY LIKE IT'S MY LAST!


So see, I am not "dark", my worldview is not "pessimistic", the adage "Life's a bitch and then you die" can actually be a presentation of health, a mantra of sanity, an appreciation for and awareness of the importance of living.


Things are hard enough day to day, right? I am choosing NOT to waste any extra energy on being something I am not.


I am a "realist" ~ I am grateful ~ I am happy ~ And "Life's a bitch and then you die" ~


What do you think??

Just another manic Monday

Hi. it's Cara. The "open book" who floods Facebook with verbiage that spews right from my mind to my status most often without a filter. Despite my rants, observations, and bouts of self-reflection I have been told that the things I write are funny and most often things to which my peeps can relate. So, I am trying something new "in my spare time" (cue laughing track - that is the first funny thing I have said).

Yes, I should be drafting the introduction to my dissertation prospectus that was thrown back to me with more red ink than found on my 7th graders science test.

Yes, I should be throwing in some laundry as I think two of my three children went to school "commando" today.

Yes, I have to get ready to leave to start my 5-hour unpaid chauffeur job, picking the kids up from three different schools and getting them to their many activities that we sign up for to provide enrichment, socialization, self-esteem, team spirit, sense of responsibility ...Blah. Blah. Blah.

Instead I wish to present the first of the many epiphanies I have been experiencing since I turned 40 this September:  I DEFINITELY MISSED THE MEMO about how it was going to really be as a suburban mother-of-three in Lloyd Neck.

Today's adage:

                                              "TO DO LISTS" SUCK

1) They exhibit a litany of ambitious plans set forth with the best intentions ... BUT ...
2) Then reality happens: Just as I attempt to accomplish one of my plans, SOMETHING pops up
3) So the item does not get checked of the list
4) Within hours, the list GROWS!
5) By the end of the day, MY "To Do List" has been possessed by a list of "Who Needs What And By When?"
6) Before I go to bed, I go through my unproductive routine of self-loathing followed by personal promises that tomorrow I will accomplish this day's "To Do List" PLUS the one I generate tomorrow.

Exhausting, I tell you. So, here is my NEW PLAN:

I am officially abandoning the exercise of writing a "To Do List".

                                                    Who's with me??

Yes, I will still be productive. I will get my work done, clean my house, and pick up my children.

Yes, I proactively anticipate what the rest of the week will bring.

BUT ... I am not going to subject myself to the cyclical torturous listing, adding, self-loathing, unrealistic promise-making, only to wake up with a headache process embedded in this "To Do List" strategy.

There. Just thought I would share. I AM convinced there was a memo about this that I must have missed.

Have a wonderful Manic Monday