What is a friend, anyway?

~ "Friend" ~

A word used ALL the time.

Kindergardeners come home and speak of their "bestest" friend, kids have their friend over for "playdates", and high schoolers determine one's "popularity" by how many friends they have.
Hell, right on Facebook we "friend" hundreds of people.

For the past several years, despite all the "friends" I know, I have been very alone.
I have been wondering a lot:

                                                       "What IS a friend, anyway?"

Perhaps for different people at different times in their lives it means different things. I realize that I did not truly know what "friend" meant for me.

I am just now realizing that I have people in my life who truly care about me unconditionally. They are not related to me. They do not owe me anything and I do not owe them. They are THERE for me.

These people are the SAME people that I would do ANYTHING for, just because I care about them.

Some of these people I just recently met, others have known most my life.
These people are my "friends". And for them I am grateful.

Why did I not realize that they were there?

Why couldn't I trust that there are true "friends" out there?

                  (My revealing responses are best left offline, away from the
                    "conditional sort")

But I say this here:

I am going to make every effort to accept the fact that I have TRUE friends ~
I am going to let them know that they are my friends ~
I am going to invest my energy in MY true friends, and relinquish my preoccupation with those of the "conditional sort" ~

I know NOW that I am NOT alone.

(I know, I know, "It's about time")

So,

I want to thank MY FRIENDS!

that's all ~

I CAN'T WAIT FOR MONDAY!

How twisted is that? I mean, what has my life become that I cannot wait for a weekend to be over and yearn for that once dreaded start of the week? Well, my life has become that of a suburban mom of three children all of whom have jammed-packed schedules to which I drive, cheerlead, and support.

                                            But MONDAY!  Ahhhhh, MONDAY!

Three different yellow buses from Heaven swoop down at scattered times to the bottom of my driveway to snatch up each one of my children and transport them safely to their respective holding pens (aka: school) for several glorious hours. And I am ALL ALONE!

I used to be afraid to be alone: worried about the day that my children would all enter public school leaving me behind to clean the breakfast dishes, switch the laundry, make beds and if lucky, work on my dissertation.

I used to ACTUALLY consider strongly having another baby to fill the anticipated void that I would experience when my "little bug" (otherwise known as "hurricane Caroline") stepped off to extended day Kindergarden (NO, Cold Spring Harbor DOES NOT have full day Kindergarden - grrrr).

I used to fear having idle time; of being bored and feeling unfulfilled.

                              NOT ANYMORE, DEAR FRIENDS. NOT ANYMORE. 
                                                             What took me so long??

                                               I am 40 and MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:

My three children are GONE ON MONDAY (and Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday too)

They are not locked in cages, harmed, tortured or enslaved. They are ACTUALLY learning, having fun, socializing, doing all the art projects and music lessons that I cannot help with. They are matriculating through life with the knowledge and experience that they could never get staying home with me!

                                                             It is a WIN-WIN situation!!

And THAT is my epiphany for this week.

                                                         I CAN'T WAIT FOR MONDAY!!!
                                                                                AND
                                                        I FEEL NO GUILT IN SAYING SO!

So, my celebration gears up late Sunday night ... about now ... which is why I wanted to share it with you. They are all tucked in bed. I kissed them, whispered in each of their ears how much I love them, and I know that I truly do. They are my world!

But, now I am downstairs, ALONE, eagerly awaiting the arrival of those buses, one by one, to take my precious children away to their amazing schools while I, Cara (used to be guilt-ridden) McGill waves "good-bye", and does a "little happy dance" that I am ALONE!

                                          I CAN'T WAIT FOR MONDAY!!

Anyone else agree?

Have a great, guilt-free, happy week.